I like things to be story-shaped.

“You’re aware you haven’t updated your blog since December, right?”

“I was disappointed to see today that your blog remains quiet and kind of sad-looking.”

“We're w-w-a-a-a-i-i-i-t-t-t-i-i-n-n-n-g-g-g!!!!!!”

“What's up with you? Have you fallen off the face of the earth? Are you trapped under something heavy?”

“Hope things are ok, and your conspicuous absence is due to some super hot guy who wants to marry you and then employ you as his graphic designer/web girl/travel writer while the two of you travel around the world making millions while feeding the starving and saving the planet from greenhouse gasses.”

“Dude. Blog. WTF?”

***

Hello, teeming masses.

I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I have not been trapped under something heavy. I have not been whisked away by a super-hot but slightly inappropriate traveling employer. I've just…misplaced myself temporarily.

I’ve actually been meaning (and trying) to update my blog for several weeks now. But I feel like I have nothing to say. I feel uninspired to write. Or, rather, I feel uninspired to write anything I consider worthy of the esteem of my readers. Neil Gaiman once wrote, “I like things to be story-shaped.” I feel the same way, and if my thoughts don’t mold nicely into a pleasant and refreshing literary arc, I consider it sub-par. Delete.

Which, okay, hold up. It’s a blog, for crying out loud. A BLOG. The very purpose of a blog is to be a place for people to dump themselves unceremoniously when they don’t want to be judged by people like editors and teachers and bosses. If Perez Hilton (who I am NOT going to link to because I think he’s probably eight of the top ten things wrong with this country) can throw illegally obtained snapshots of tenuous celebrities up on his website every 15 minutes and draw inappropriate scribbles on them in Microsoft Paint, then I can certainly bring myself to write a slightly boring entry about my cat’s kleptomania, right? Right.

But that’s where my [admittedly ironic] hang-up comes in, and it could be one of many things that differentiate me from Perez Hilton. I don’t like to publish anything that represents myself in a way I consider less than perfect, or as perfect as I can manage at that particular moment. This is why my professional website has been “under construction” for three years. I had no living room furniture for three and a half years because I couldn’t figure out which color scheme would really represent myself the way I wanted. I routinely sabotage myself by wanting to be fabulous. If I can’t be fabulous, well, then I just won’t play with you.

This is a childish, paralyzing sort of perfectionism. I can see that. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

I don’t really know what the rest of the steps are, but I think one of them is, “Get the f*** over yourself.” So, that’s what I’m trying to do.

I've been keeping a list of things to write about, for when I can once again sit down at a blank computer screen and write something before getting distracted by something shiny:

• I think I may quit the Yahoo Personals thing. It’s making me kind of exasperated with mankind.


• I’m dieting again. Except I’m taking this week off. (And last week, too.)


• I just celebrated my two-year anniversary working for an insurance company in the Midwest, and I’m still a Democrat.


• I'd like to take a look at my goals for 2008, and a look back at 2007, minus all the funerals.


• I’m riding horses routinely again. Good exercise, if you ignore the sub-freezing temperatures and the tendency toward injury.


• You would not believe some of the search criteria that lead people to my blog.


• Part of my inability to write is the fact that there are so many other blogs on the internet I can busy myself with reading. If I ever get myself organized, I’ll put them all together for you in a neat little package that might be a little more inclusive than the blogroll to your right. But if you have your own blog to write, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Additional suggestions for blog topics (or just general encouragement) are always appreciated. I’m trying to be better. I promise.