Common Sense: More uncommon than you think.

Because sometimes people need these things spelled out for them:

• When you walk into my store in the middle of December, during a snowstorm, and say “Wow, it’s chilly,” as you shake the snow off your FLIP FLOPS, it’s going to take me a minute to form a coherent response that does not include the words “moron,” “Sherlock,” or “DUH.”



• Scheduling a very loud Christian Worship rock band to perform at the same time as the Jewish Community Center is holding their holiday party IN THE NEXT ROOM, while amusing, is perhaps a lapse in event planning judgment.



• Placing a giant banner for the “BEST BARBECUE IN TOWN” right underneath the sign for the Nebraska Humane Society might deter more people than it attracts.



• Wearing earmuffs made out of sound-proof material might be a good idea for construction workers and record producers, but is perhaps not so smart for Omaha-area police officers patrolling the streets of downtown. The desperate cry of “Help, Police, I’m being attacked and depending on an officer of the law to save my life and apprehend this criminal!” loses something in lip-sync.



• Fleeing the police is never a good idea. Doing it on a riding lawn mower takes a special kind of stupid.



• It’s probable that if a man approaches you with an offer to sell you a magic potion that will turn plain paper into money, it just might be a con. One would think that if someone were in possession of such a potion, he would not need to sell it. Also, it’s completely retarded.



• Sometimes the best course of action is to just shut up, already.