Where in the world...?

I know. I know! I completely missed May, and most of April. But I’m back now, so let me try to catch up a little:

I’ve been in Hawaii.

My pin-up girl tan is the result of spending nearly two weeks lying on a beach. Most of my vacation was spent in a much-needed state of relaxation, lying in the sand or floating in the ocean. There were a couple of breaks for meals and…well, pretty much just meals.

When I was young, my family lived in Hawaii for five years. These were my formative years, so I grew up straddling two cultures—the Hawaiian language, habits, and sensibilities were part of my daily life, and I’d forgotten how much I missed it all until I went back.

This trip saw my mother, father, sister and me reunited (with the addition of my new brother-in-law) and revisiting our old home, Oahu. Not only did we stay on the same island, but we stayed on the same beach in the same cabins we regularly rented twenty years ago on weekends and holidays. Not much has changed, with the possible exception of a new internet kiosk and more bugs than I remember. The laid-back “aloha” spirit is still the business model for most operations, and nobody wears closed-toed shoes. Flowers adorn every surface, indoors and out. The rules of English grammar are mostly just guidelines, and the speed limits can just as easily be applied to bicycles and Hoverounds as to cars.

In the twelve straight days I spent with my family on a tropical island, I counted four (4) arguments about how to properly dispose of insects, at least eight (8) rousing rounds of Catchphrase that resulted in inappropriate misunderstandings of the English language, two (2) insinuations by my mother that my father keeps company with ladies of the evening in the Philippines, and exactly one (1) discussion about work.

Other figures of interest:

• Leis received, between us: 16


• Fruity drinks consumed in hollowed-out pineapples: 4


• Fruity drinks consumed in normal glasses, with an orchid on the top for good measure: 29


• Varieties of foodstuffs consumed that featured, contained, or consisted entirely of macadamia nuts: at least 15


• Bottles of sunblock depleted and filled with a salt-water/sand paste: 4½


• Postcards mailed: 23


• Centipede attacks: 1


• Resulting trips to the ER: 1


• Vicodin pills prescribed by the ER doctor to ease my mother’s pain from the FREAKING POISONOUS CENTIPEDE: 8


• Vicodin pills the pharmacist actually gave her: 60, I swear to God


• Centipedes killed in the name of humanity before we finally asked to be relocated to another cabin: 4


• Stings from a Portuguese man-of-war: 2


• Portuguese man-of-war killed by a stick in the retaliating beachfront massacre: upwards of 50


• Times the phrase “f***ing nature” was muttered under someone’s breath: 3, that I know of


• Rainbows: 4


• Flowers picked and worn behind ear: 4


• Minutes spent on the internet: 26


• Minutes spent on the beach which might have otherwise been spent on the internet back home: 4,860


• Photos taken of large men in grass skirts with no sense of irony: 24


• Unread back issues of Entertainment Weekly caught up on: 12


• Pairs of flip-flops lining the wall by the door of our cabin: 9


• Mornings I woke up and took a walk on the beach before breakfast: 5


• Evenings I took a walk on the beach under the moon: 6


• Mornings I was able to wake myself up in time to see the sun rise over the ocean: 0


• Times my brother-in-law had to ask my family what we were saying in Hawaiian: 17


• Times my brother-in-law tried, with little or no success, to pronounce “Kalanianaole”: 24


• Successful attempts: 1


• “Aloha”s and “Mahalo”s: countless


• Days spent in Hawaii before my father caved and made reservations for next year: 9


• Hours spent in planes or airports: 30


• Non-spam email messages waiting for me when I returned: 91


• Kisses bestowed upon Izzy and GenV immediately after walking back into my apartment: thousands


• Items displaced by Izzy in my apartment: 10, plus about 30 laundry quarters

So I’m back now, like it or not, and I apologize for not climbing back into my blogspace sooner. I’m still on Island Time. Mahalo for your patience.