Jiminy Christmas

Samantha: "Damn humans. Do I look like a freaking Dress-Me-Up-Tabby?"

Clover: "Whatever, man. At least you just get a hat. I've got antlers because, apparently, we've invented a new species."

Samantha: "Now I know why they declawed me."

Clover: "This is degrading, this is embarassing—"

Samantha: "This is painful. I think I just broke a blood vessel in my ear."

Clover: "When this is over, I'm going to go throw up on somebody's shoe. Just on principle."

Samantha: "I should have known those catnip toys from earlier today were a bad idea. Everytime I get stoned, I wake up clothed."

Clover: "Um, hello, humans? I think you should know I have the ASPCA on speed-dial."

Samantha: "I bet you think it's funny to watch us slink around with these accessories strapped to our skulls as we give ourselves concussions trying to rub them off. I bet that's just another jolly sporting day for you. Well, I'm so pleased I can be the source of such mirth and merriment for you on this holiday. Merry f---ing Christmas. Where's my dish? I need a drink."