My birthday is coming up.

My mother asked me the other day to tell her what I want for my birthday (and for Christmas), and I drew a blank. I hate telling someone what to buy me for a given occasion, because I think that gifts should come from the heart; they should be inspired and clever and perfect and surprising. Material possessions are nothing compared to the sentiment.

But I totally want an iPod. Or Tivo.

I don’t like to assume that I am going to be showered with gifts on the anniversary of my birth, because it is pretentious and egomaniacal to consider oneself worthy of a holiday without earning it. People are born everyday who are going to have a much greater impact on the world than myself. Today, somewhere in the world, a child was born who will grow up to cure cancer, or teach deaf kids, or become a saint, or start a religion, or invent an electric toothbrush that doesn’t get toothpaste all over your mirror. Give your $17.99 to that guy instead of buying me a CD that I’m going to grow sick of in 6 weeks and never listen to again.

That said, if any of my close friends were to forget my birthday altogether, they’d be on my shit list until Christmas.

However snarky I may sound, I’m actually very thankful for any gifts I do receive, and I feel genuinely touched when people remember what day I was born. I just don’t like to presume that they will. So for those of you keeping track at home, my birthday is November 12, and I would like an iPod. Or Tivo. Thank you.