Things I should probably not be doing at work.

• Making pushpin “art” on my cubicle wall.



• Checking my personal email every five seconds, even though it’s only filled with Gap ads and bookstore coupons, and I don’t check it anywhere near this obsessively when I’m at home.



• Playing Allister’s “Fraggle Rawk” on my iPod twelve times in a row and daring myself to head-bang.



• Binding my printed ad designs with matching colored paperclips, and placing them on my desk just at the edge of my peripheral vision in a carefully fanned-out manner, so that I can glance over at them occasionally and admire their matchingness, and then claim I'm not completely lost to OCD.



• Trying to rearrange the magnets on my metal bookshelf so that they don't look inappropriately suggestive, which is utterly impossible.



• Informing my coworker that she owes me a drink for every time she calls me “Michelle,” which is not my name, for crying out loud.



• Silently reading all my ridiculous interdepartmental memos with a really bad Serbian accent, just to pass the time: “Crrreating a high-poorformance ehnvironmehnt takes both time and conteeeenuous effort to eensure ze strrrong foundation foor a unified enterprrrise. Therefoor, we hev to be especially deeligent about the use of eenterdepartmental ehnvehlopes…”



• Perfecting the art of the “screen toggle” so that it doesn’t look like I’m earning my salary by writing meaningless and meta blog entries.